Friday, August 15, 2008

The Joys of English Speak

Within the last year or so, I've found that I love using an English accent. Or at least my interpretation of an English accent--which is actually a bizarre cocktail that is one part English accent, one part Australian accent and one part German accent with a healthy dash of gibberish.

Regardless, it is quite fun. Especially, if you're as easily amused as I am. Here are some examples of how you too can have fun using English speak faster than you can say "Bob's your uncle":

1. Replace the word "my" with "me."
Examples: I forgot to put on my pants becomes I forgot to put on me pants.
My family thinks that time they dropped me on my head has had a lasting affect becomes Me family thinks I'm mental.

2. End sentences with the word "Gob'na."
"Gob'na" is the phonetic spelling of the English pronunciation of the word "Governor" This especially works well when you're greeting somebody.
Examples: Hello, Dave becomes Hello, Gob'na. Why aren't you wearing pants, Curtis? becomes Why aren't you wearing any pants, gob'na?

3. Avoid pronouncing the initial letters in words.
Examples: Hello. Did you happen to see the new Harry Potter film today? becomes "'ello. Did you 'appen to see the new 'arry 'o'er film today.

4. Say "Bollocks!" to describe anything you don't necessarily enjoy...or just use it randomly.
Bollocks is the English slang reference to testicles and is the English equivalent to the American word "bullshit." (Apparently, we prefer feces over testes to describe something that isn't true). It would be fun to use this term how it's meant to be used, but it's even more fun to use it randomly, even when it makes no sense.

Examples: That Sandra Bullock movie was shitty becomes That Sandra Bullocks movie is bollocks!
Hello, doctor, I seem to have a sore throat becomes bullocks!

Now I'll use all the tips above in a sentence, for your reference, of course:

'Ello gob'na, 'ave you seen me pants? It seems me girlfriend feels that walking in public in just me tighty whities is bullocks.

Now you have all the tools you need to thoroughly annoy those who come within communications with with on any level!


Rick said...

Try the Irish or Gaelic versions of those.

"Why, aren't you a dry shite?"

or, how about an old favorite...

"She looks like a pig licking piss off a nettle."

Mix in the terms piss, shite, arse, or a pint o' the black stuff into any sentence, and you are on your way to your next Oh Danny Boy singfest!

the dude said...

schmagurty, aren't you the guy in the raisin bran crunch commercial that likes the "Kellogs" contains an "'ello"?