Thursday, August 21, 2008

They Look Like they Smell Funny

Face it, the odds of any of us rubbing shoulders with famous movie stars and musicians are slim. Your television screen serves as an impermeable barrier between you and the glitz, glamour and over bleached teeth of the rich and famous.

Given my overactive imagination and abundance of free time, one day I began to wonder if you could tell by image alone whether or not a celebrity smells bad. And if you think about it, it's more than likely you can. So, here is my list of the top five celebrities I bet smell bad...along with a description of what I think they probably would smell like.

5. Christina Aguilera from the Diirty years - When you look like you're covered in oil and sin, odds are you probably smell bad.
Smells like: A combination of cheap watermelon lip gloss and two-month old deep fryer grease.

4. Kid Rock - Let's face it. If you know you're girlfriend has an STD and you're cool with it, odds are your hygiene isn't top notch.
Smells like: A plastic cup of beer that's been out in the sun for three days mixed with bad, skunk-scented B.O. Add in the aroma of day-old whiskey-induced vomit.

3. Larry King - I think he died seven years ago, so that can't help any odor issues.
Smells like: A newly opened band-aid, old cigar smoke, tuna fish and milk breath from an over consumption of tapioca pudding.

2. Miley Cyrus - Through no fault of her own, her smell would come from any incidental contact made with her father, Billy Ray.
Smells like: Achey-Breaky B.O., mullet mouse and desperation.

1. Johnny Depp - Thought I was going with Brittney Spears here, didn't you? Too obvious. Why does Johnny Depp smell bad? Because he can. He's Johnny Depp. And it's what the eccentrics do, isn't it? Not to mention, he lives in France, a deodorant-free nation.
Smells like: 21 Jump Street. He keeps scrubbing and scrubbing, but it just doesn't wash away.

I bet you, too, could venture to name a few celebrities you think probably smell bad. If so, feel free to comment to this posting with your input.

1 comment:

PoopsMcgee said...

I would have to go with Michael Phelps. For a few reasons, 1) he is from Baltamore. 2) he is part dolphin and he has to smell like fish and 3) When does he have time to bath?

I would think he smells like pure chlorine mixed with aged fish.