Monday, October 20, 2008

Memo to the Youth: Let 80's Style Be

I recently spotted a young teenage girl walking through a parking lot wearing acid washed jeans. They even had holes torn in the thigh and knee area. She was one Bon Jovi t-shirt and some blue eyeliner away from looking like she used a time machine to warp two decades ahead from 1988.

If some of your youth was spent in the over-the-top, hairspray-filled decade known as the 1980s, you too have likely seen this resurgence of its style on today's youth. Whether it's the big hoop earrings, big hair, jelly shoes or skinny jeans, it's almost inescapable.

What's next? Shoulder pads? Punky Brewster hairdos? The resurgence of Terrance Trent D'Arby? It's all so very...frightening. Why? Because as we who grew up in the 1980s can attest--and have the photo albums to prove--the 80s style turned us into portraits of a toxic, electric shock, color spewed, proportion-warping trend zombies that made us all look really, really bad.

It is our obligation--nay, our duty--to today's youth to prevent them from becoming victims of this bad style resurgence. We were not forewarned, nor did we have the Internet to help spread the world that wearing 132 bracelets on one arm looked ridiculous. We subjected ourselves to hair-spraying our hair to mimic the Berlin Wall so that future generations would not be subjected to such absurdities.

Yes, the children of the 80's were the pioneers of bad taste, paving a way and shedding a light on how rolling ones jeans would have a severe negative effect on the attractiveness scale. (We looked at the style of the 70's and said "that's all you got?") Don't let this generation repeat our mistakes! Get the word out. When you see a teen on the street wearing leg warmers and a giant belt, tell them they look like they escaped from the nearest mental health facility.

If you spot a kid wearing anything fluorescent, tell them that they look like the result of a construction worker and a clown getting together to formulate their fashion choices. If anything, sign the petition to stop 80's style resurgence by replying to this post and signing your name and/or even sharing a fashion nightmare.

Stop the madness! Save the youth of this country before they decide to wear sweatshirts with the collar cut out (so one side hangs off of a shoulder)! Stop them before they give Aqua Net back its ozone-killing empire! Sign the petition today! Tell the tale of your 80s fashion nightmare!


Anonymous said...

Stop the 80's fashion resurgance! Signed, Curtis M.

I too rolled my pants and hairsprayed my hairdo. Just looking back at those photos brings me shame!

Anonymous said...

Curtis, you used hairspray????
Well, while I do sign the petition, I must state that I looked good in the 80's! My waterfall bangs and tied to one side oversized t-shirt looked amazing on me!