Thursday, October 9, 2008

Seven More Things That Suck

To add to the previous entry, another seven things that annoy me for some reason or another:

1. Potato Salad
Mmmm, overcooked potatoes stewing in gobs and gobs of mayonnaise sitting out in the hot summer sun at a cookout. It's a stomach virus waiting to happen. Yet you can't escape potato salad at any cookout to which you go. Can you remember every having a craving for potato salad? Me neither.

2. Sitcoms that Use Stale 90's Style
Sure, a group of young, good-looking people dropping sarcastic quips and pausing for laugh tracks worked in the 1990's. But much like the VHS tape, it's format is now outdated and stale. Why? Because sarcasm isn't very funny without creativity. It just makes you feel like you're watching a bunch of dysfunctional jerks. Yes, I'm looking right at you "Two and a Half Men."

3. Cadillacs
Remember when people used the term "it's the Cadillac of (insert product here)" to describe the high-level of quality of something. Not anymore. That's because the only people who drive them are senior-citizens and guys who leave the top four buttons of their shirt unbuttoned to show of their chest hair. Either creepy or old.

4. Mustard Containers
Has there been no advancement in mustard container technology in the last 30 years? Why must you always have to first clean off a crusty film over the spout and--no matter if you shake the bottle or not--squirt the 1st tablespoon out of the bottle into the sink to avoid soaking your sandwich bread in a watery mustard juice?

5. Glass Ketchup Bottles
You find them at every restaurant and it's likely you will always get the brand new, unopened bottle of ketchup. This requires you to use a myriad of tricks to get the ketchup to loosen its gravity-defying grip from the bottle and pour out. You hit the "57" or pound the bottom of the bottle with your palm. You may tip the bottle upside-down and leave it be for 10 minutes. Or, you dig your knife into the bottle and scoop it out. Why do we still use these things when the squirt bottles do just fine?

6. Renee Zelwegger's Squint
She always looks like she's just eaten a bag full of lemons. Or like she's staring into the sun while sucking on a cough drop. Regardless, it's just annoying. You know why she does it. Because she's better than you.

7. Eardrum-destroying Ring Tones
Nothing like standing in a public place and feeling like you've been magically transported to an Usher concert because somebody has apparently set their ringtone volume to the "deafening arena blast" decibel level.

There's seven more. Feel free to add to the list by responding to this post. I will add it to the next blog post.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

How about road construction? Why does it seem like the roads are always under construction? I understand there are a lot of roads and they have to get old eventually, but why does it seem like the same stretches of highway are constantly under construction? In this modern time of hybrid vehicles and nuclear power plants we have yet to figure out the road making technology that lasts more than 3 years???