Friday, November 21, 2008

A Message to Spammers: NO! NO! NO!

No, I don't need pills using ancient Chinese herbs that will magically shrink my waistline without having to exercise or diet. Sound more like you're trying to sell me a parasite that would cause me to have extreme health problems--or you're just selling another scam.

No I am not looking to enlarge, extend or improve the endurance of my penis. I don't care how many spaces you put in the word V I A GRa.

No I am not interesting in refinancing my home, especially since I have yet to finance a home, let alone have the need to refinance one. To steal from a popular scene in Wayne's World, "I don't own a gun, let alone many guns to constitute the need to own a gun rack."

No I do not want to update my Bank of America Account information. I may be interested in doing so....if I actually had a Bank of America account.

No, I do not want to help you, a civil servant of the Republic of Nigeria, transfer several millions of dollars--that were somehow magically discovered by you--into my account so you can split the money with me after you arrive stateside. Do you really expect me to believe that the continent of Africa--yes, continent, not a country Sarah Palin--just has millions of dollars sitting around unaccounted for? Because when I think of Africa, I think "bunch of inattentive millionaires over there just leaving their cash all about and what not!"

No, I don't want to take you up on your offer to give me a free iPod, Nintendo Wii, Playstation, Apple iPhone, computer or HDTV just by simply clicking on a button of your banner ad. Last time I checked, electronics manufactures do like to turn a profit on their equipment.

No, I don't want to contact you about the free vacation you told me I just won. I guess why I don't want that vacation is because I never entered any sort of contest or raffle for said vacation, yet somehow my name was magically drawn. I have an idea! Send me my plane tickets and itinerary in care of: Mr. Bojangles, 123 Main St., Fantasyland, Krpton 90210.

No! No! NO! I don't anything you have to offer! So please, stop bothering me and everybody else you bombard with emails on a daily basis! Are you fed up with SPAM as much as me? If so, share your stories!

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